Tesla: A Flaming Dumpster Fire, Or a Golden Goose in Disguise?
Image Credit: Tesla.
So, I've been wrestling with this Tesla thing… It's like watching a soap opera where everyone's lost their marbles. One minute they're burning cars, the next they're weeping over stock prices. Honestly, it's a circus. And I, your humble petrol-head-turned-electric-curmudgeon, am here to tell you why everyone's got it wrong.
Look, Tesla ain't just a car company anymore. It's a Frankenstein's monster of tech, energy, and now, apparently, robot overlords. They're slinging solar panels, batteries, and soon, those robo-taxis that'll probably try to steal your lunch money. Do you want numbers? Sure - their energy storage biz is up a whopping 67%, bringing in $10.1 billion. That's a lot of shiny coins. EV sales? Yeah, they're still the bread and butter, clocking in around $16 billion in profit. But those margins are tighter than my old leather driving gloves after a rainstorm.
What about those robots and AI? I think that if Musk can sell flamethrowers to pretty much anyone, he can definitely make a killing on robots. And those Cybercabs? Imagine, a 24/7 money-printing machine, as long as that "Full Self-Driving" thing actually works. Which, let's be honest, has been about as reliable as a British weather forecast. But, if they nail it, oh boy… It'll be like finding a winning lottery ticket in your old sock drawer.
Image Credit: Tesla.
And this whole "boycott Tesla" thing? Seriously? Folks are setting cars on fire because they don't like Musk? It's like torching your toaster because you hate the CEO of the bread company. Would you burn your fridge because you dislike the top brass at GE? No. It's sheer madness. And then, some people are selling their cars, losing a fortune, because of some misplaced anger. Listen up, people: Elon didn't build your car. Hard-working folks did. He's just the guy who signs the checks.
When you boycott Tesla, you're not sticking it to Elon. You're sticking it to the people who built your car, your neighbors, maybe even your family. If Tesla stops selling cars, jobs go poof. And Elon? He'll be fine. He's got so many irons in the fire, he could probably heat his mansion with them.
And selling shares? You think that hurts him? Bless your cotton socks. You're just giving the big boys a discount. They're laughing all the way to the bank, while you're left holding an empty bag. If you wanted to sting Musk, you should've bought more shares, not sold them. Gain control, force a vote. That's how you play the game.
Image Credit: Tesla.
Instead, we've got a bunch of folks throwing tantrums and setting fire to perfectly good cars. It's like watching a toddler trying to build a sandcastle during a hurricane. And all because they don't like the guy in charge. It's like nobody remembers Henry Ford's "interesting" past.
Tesla's a beast, a complicated, unpredictable beast. But burning cars and selling shares? That ain't gonna change a thing. It's just gonna hurt the little guys, the ones who actually built your ride. And me? I'm just here, shaking my head, hoping nobody finds out about the IKEA founder's wartime antics - I like my furniture very much.
