Behold! The Minivan That'll Make Soccer Moms Abandon Their SUVs

Well, blow me down and call me confused…the folks at Zeekr have decided a minivan can be the ultimate status symbol. Just when you thought those gigantic, overpowered SUVs had reached peak obnoxiousness, the Zeekr 009 Grand pulls up. And it's electric, of course.

I thought I'd seen it all – electric SUVs bigger than a bus, pickup trucks that charge your power tools, even sports cars so quiet they need fake engine noises. But an electric minivan that morphs into a billionaire's private jet? Never underestimate the power of human ingenuity.

Let's be honest, when you hear 'minivan', visions of screaming kids and crushed Cheerios dance in your head. Minivans are the automotive equivalent of wearing sweatpants in public. Sure, they're comfy and practical, but you wouldn't exactly call them "cool." The Zeekr 009 Grand, though... well, that's playing a whole different game. Imagine a minivan designed after someone watched too many sci-fi movies and raided a luxury yacht showroom. At nearly 18 feet long (5.2 meters) and 6.5 feet wide (2 meters), this thing's bigger than some studio apartments - you could probably rent out half of it on Airbnb. 

It sports a fancy pants grille, polished for 30 hours apparently, and rides on wheels that have more bling than a rapper's convention. Oh, and let’s not forget the fancy glass that dims quicker than you can say, "Are we there yet?"

Where things get really wild is inside. You won't find a single juice box stain or rogue goldfish cracker here. This is like a five-star hotel suite on wheels: aniline leather, Himalayan marble (because, why not?), plus enough screens to rival NASA mission control. That 43-inch TV? Perfect for watching the stock market tick up while your kids watch Peppa Pig on their individual tablets.

There's a fridge for your champagne and crystal flutes, a vase for your freshly cut orchids, and retractable tables so you can sign multi-million dollar deals during rush hour. Oh, and if you must ferry children around, their seats are basically heated, massaging thrones fit for royalty.

With all that extra heft onboard, this thing is probably geared toward a more relaxed driving experience, right? Wrong! This land yacht does 0-62 (0-100 km/h) in 3.9 seconds. That's sports car territory with more weight than a linebacker. It's got 778 horsepower (580 kW) with a battery pack that promises a range of about 436 miles (702 km) – although, realistically, that's probably half once you start hooning like a teenager.

Of course, with this much luxury, they gotta make you pay for it. At over $100,000, it makes those top-tier SUVs look like overpriced Tonka toys. Look, 100k is no chop-change, especially in China where this new 009 gets to stay for now. Will it ever make it to our shores? Who knows, with Tik Tok facing a ban, we need the next big Chinese thing pronto.

So, will the Zeekr 009 Grand make you the envy of the carpool lane? Possibly. Will your neighbors think you've lost your mind? Absolutely. But isn't that half the fun of owning a vehicle this ridiculously over-the-top? The real question is: is this the ride to make you ditch your gas-guzzler? Well… if bragging rights and supreme comfort float your boat, the Zeekr 009 Grand just might. Just don't ask it to parallel park.