The Renault 5 is Back! This Time, It's Electric, Quirky, and Almost as Chunky as My French Fries

Let's be honest, when it comes to automotive design, sometimes the French go a little…off-script. I guess that's the price we pay for cars that look like spaceships or, in the Renault 5's case, cartoon characters. But that weirdness, that risk-taking, is often what made French cars so beloved.

The original Renault 5 was one of those cars. It looked like a melted LEGO brick that somehow gained sentience, started rolling around, and had a lovechild with a shoebox. And people adored it. So, when Renault decided to resurrect this automotive oddball…well, let's just say it got my attention.

First things first, let's talk design. The new Renault 5 E-Tech is all about retro-futuristic charm. It takes those iconic boxy lines and chunky headlights, adds a splash of bright color, and suddenly it's a funky electric fever dream. They even turned the charge indicator into a giant "5" where the old air vent used to be on the original. It's a detail so gloriously cheesy it almost transcends automotive design and becomes high art.

Of course, with EVs, it's not all about the looks. Renault promises Google integration, voice activation (they call their Siri knock-off "Reno"), and enough safety tech to make a paranoid android feel at ease. But there's one thing car geeks like me care about most: power! Well, power and weight, anyway.

Here's the thing, while everyone else is obsessed with range, Renault seems determined to make their tiny EV as light as possible - in relative terms. We're talking a base weight of 3,195 lbs (1,449 kg) for a car that's only 12.9 feet (3.9 meters) long. While that may be the equivalent of shoving an elephant into a phone booth, it is actually classed as light among small electric cars. How times have changed. Does that mean I can be classed as skinny as well?

Why all the weight though? Well, there'll be a few power options eventually. The standard model gets a motor with 150 horsepower (110 kW) and a 52 kWh battery. And that electric brick weighs as much as a giant bag of bricks - 300 kg exactly, or about 661 pounds. A downgrade to a 95 horsepower (70 kW) motor gets you a lighter 40 kWh battery but it hardly even moves a needle. Having a decent lunch and spot of grocery shopping negates any gain. While on the subject of batteries - Renault promises a 292-mile (470 km) range with the big battery, which is impressive.

Now, about those batteries… Renault's playing a bit of a shell game with their power packs. The launch version gets a 52 kWh battery that, frankly, seems a bit excessive considering the car's size. Sure, it promises a hefty range, but it's the automotive equivalent of wearing a weightlifting belt to go grocery shopping. Later models will have the option of a smaller 40 kWh battery, which should shave off some of that ridiculous bulk. Renault's clearly banking on big range figures to wow buyers, but I'd rather have a nimble little car than one that feels like it's hauling around a spare tire...or three.

Recharging the all-electric Renault 5 should be a cinch – at least, that's what they promise. The versions with smaller batteries support up to 80 kW DC charging, while the cars with the 52 kWh battery can supposedly take advantage of 100 kW DC fast charging. Of course, we all know how finicky fast chargers can be, so I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up being more of a dance-off with a temperamental plug than a speedy energy boost. 

Home charging is supported at up to 11 kW and the R5 even supports V2L and V2G technologies, meaning you could probably power your neighbor's house if they're in a pinch...or if you want to make some extra cash. Charging is simplified (allegedly) through the Renault-backed Mobilize ecosystem. A single card grants drivers access to over 600,000 public charging points and the Plug & Charge feature lets the vehicle introduce itself to compatible DC fast chargers – less awkward than speed dating, at least.

The interior of the new Renault 5 E-Tech Electric is a delightful blend of retro charm and modern tech. The dashboard design playfully references the iconic Renault 5 Turbo with chunky plastic housings for the 10-inch digital instrument cluster and infotainment screen. The seats feature thick, padded inserts that look like someone raided Grandma's couch for upholstery, while various trim levels offer unique twists like denim-inspired textiles. 

Renault even lets you customize the gear shifter with removable covers, adding a playful touch. The company has prioritized sustainability, omitting leather and ensuring that a significant percentage of the car's material content is recycled. It's a cozy, quirky space that feels both familiar and futuristic, perfectly encapsulating the spirit of the new Renault 5 - they even use recycled materials to make you feel less bad about driving a tiny tank.

The French automaker is betting big on the Renault 5 E-Tech's success and is investing heavily in its production. The cars will roll off the assembly line at the Douai plant in northern France, alongside the Mégane E-Tech. Even the motors will be "Made in France," manufactured at the legendary Cléon plant, which built engines for the original R5 and other iconic models. And the batteries? They'll come from a new Gigafactory opening in Douai in mid-2025, with the entire production complex aptly called ElectriCity. 

The company is even promising that components from third-party suppliers will be sourced within 186 miles (300 km) of the final assembly plant. However, this ambitious schedule means that while the company wants to launch the new 5 in September 2024, initial production won't begin until sometime in mid-2025.

The Renault 5 E-Tech Electric has got me thinking. Maybe it's time to inject a little automotive silliness into my life. Those bright, bold colors, the cheeky headlights, the sheer audacity of making a tiny electric car that weighs a ton...it's ridiculous, and I kind of love it. Sure, it's still a year out, and that rumored €25,000 ($26,500) price tag might be a pipedream, but hey, a guy can dream. Who knows, maybe I'll find myself cruising around in a bright yellow Renault 5, baguette basket strapped in place, living my best French caricature life. 

This not-so-little electric city rocket might just be another French oddity that takes the world by storm. Or maybe it'll be a flop heavier than my conscience after eating a whole pizza. After all, where else can you get a car that's stylishly retro, surprisingly hefty and yet nimble? I'm in. Well, as soon as they figure out how to build the things, anyway. Or - should I wait for the Alpine A290 - essentially a bonkers Renault 5 with twice as much power and 4 times the fun? Decisions, decisions…

Yours truly,

Captain Electro