The Great British Grab Off: Tesla's New Model for the UK
In a move as surprising as the Spanish Inquisition (nobody expected that), our good friends at Tesla have decided to shake things up a bit. Not by rolling out a flying electric car or a vehicle that runs on perpetual motion (which wouldn't surprise me if Elon Musk was working on it), no. They have come up with a far more audacious move: making their customers in the UK drive left-hand-drive Model S and Model X vehicles. The words 'madness' and 'genius' are interchanging in my head faster than the acceleration of their ludicrously fast Roadster.
Now, if you know any Brits, you know they like to stick to their side of the road. The right, and by right, I mean left. But, dear Tesla, being American and all, seems to have got it all wrong. Or right. Or left. It’s getting quite confusing, isn’t it?
Imagine, for a moment, the quintessential Englishman. He's just picked up his shiny new Model S, all giddy with excitement. He's in the mood for some fish and chips, so he decides to roll into the drive-thru. But the chippie is on the left, and his car is… all wrong! He’s in a pickle. Or rather, would like to be in one with his chips, but can’t quite reach the server.
Well, fear not, good Sir. For Tesla, in its infinite wisdom, has offered up a solution: "The Reacher."
"The Reacher" isn't the latest sequel to Tom Cruise's well-worn franchise. It's a grabbing stick. Yes, a stick. One you might see on those litter-picking outings or in the hands of a less mobile pensioner picking up his slippers. But for Tesla, it's a solution to bridge the gap, quite literally, between the wrong side of the car and your fried delicacies. Ingenious? Maybe. Insane? Absolutely.
A new Tesla now comes with the most advanced tech on four wheels and a tool you'd usually find in a bargain bin at a garden center. It's like buying a bespoke suit and finding a complimentary clothes peg in the pocket. The juxtaposition is as stark as the black-and-white contrast on the OLED screen that Tesla uses for its infotainment system.
In this brave new Tesla world, grabbing a parking ticket, a double cheeseburger, or even just a friendly handshake from a fellow road user becomes an Olympic sport in its own right. Aided by your trusty pole, you'll joust for your right to a quick snack, much like our ancestors did, but with a slightly higher risk of spilling ketchup on your upholstery.
You've got to give it to Tesla though, not since the Spanish switched the Armada's rudder have we seen such a daring maritime maneuver. From canceling orders in smaller markets to shaking up the whole notion of driving orientation, they've certainly got us all reaching... mostly for the Advil.
So, let's raise a glass (or a grabbing stick) to Tesla for this unexpected adventure. After all, who wants a normal, everyday electric car, when you could be living in a Monty Python sketch, replete with slapstick comedy and a constant sense of the absurd. Now, excuse me while I fumble around for my coffee with my own trusty Reacher... Ah, there it is. On the left. Naturally.
Yours truly,
Captain Electro.
