Not-So-Milano: Alfa Romeo's New Name Thanks to Italian Law

Well, this is rich. The Italian government got its pasta in a knot because Alfa Romeo wanted to name its new electric SUV after Milan – you know, the city where it was born. Because, heaven forbid, anyone think an Alfa Romeo might be made in Italy. So now we’re getting the Alfa Romeo Junior. Wow. That's about as thrilling as naming a Ferrari the "Bambino."

But hey, I get it. Laws are laws and all that, even if they don't make a lick of sense. You'd think the Italians would be jumping at the chance to advertise one of their famous cities on an internationally sold car. But no, they'd rather protect the sanctity of their "Made in Italy" label, even if the car's actually built in Poland. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Let's talk about this "Junior," shall we? Alfa says it's a nod to their history, referencing a sporty coupe they made back in the '60s aimed at younger buyers. Okay, fine. But that was a sleek little machine, a true driver's car that deserved its place in the Alfa lineage. This new Junior? It's a crossover. A crossover, folks! It's about as exciting as beige wallpaper.

Now, I'm not one to knock a good crossover. They're practical and have their place. But slapping an Alfa Romeo badge on one and calling it "Junior" feels… cheap. Feels like they're trying to cash in on the brand name rather than deliver a truly exciting, sport-focused experience. It just seems unimaginative.

But hey, maybe I'll be surprised. Maybe this Junior will pack a surprising punch under the hood. According to the specs, it'll have a 240-horsepower electric motor, do 0-60 mph in around 7 seconds, and have a 280-mile range on a single charge. Respectable, I suppose, but nothing that'll set the world on fire.

It looks alright, I guess. Generic modern crossover looks, which I find about as thrilling as a tax audit. Typical Alfa touches like that triangular grille are there, and it's about 170 inches (4.3 meters) long, a smidge smaller than the Tonale. Let’s face it, though – in the styling and performance departments, the Junior’s not going to be making anyone forget the classics.

Price-wise, they're talking about something in the $40,000 range. Ouch. That ain't cheap, especially for something wearing the uninspiring "Junior" label. For that cash, you could get yourself into plenty of other electric SUVs with more power, range, and, dare I say, prestige.

Look, I love Alfa Romeo. I want them to succeed, especially in this electric era. They've got the legacy, the passion, and the potential to make something truly special. But this Junior? It leaves me feeling a bit deflated. I guess only time will tell if it lives up to the Alfa name, or if it'll just be a forgettable footnote in the company's history. Maybe, just maybe, there's something they're not showing us yet - let's hope so.

But you wouldn't catch me in one unless someone was paying me.