Right. Sit down, and put on your shocked face. You're going to need it. I'm here to talk about a car, the Lotus Evija, that isn't just smashing records, but rewriting them. It's like an angry, caffeine-addled librarian gone absolutely berserk.

Lotus, the company that was well on its way to becoming an automotive equivalent of the Dodo bird, has come out of its slumber and unleashed the Evija, a hypercar that has more grunt than an oversized Gorilla with a bad attitude. Forget about the figures they first released. This beastly chariot now pumps out an ungodly 2,011 HP! To put that into perspective, that's nearly 100 HP more than the Rimac Nevera - and we all know that's not exactly a pushover.

"Ah, but Captain Electro," I hear you cry, "HP isn't everything!" And, of course, you'd be right. Torque, dear reader, is where the real fun lives, and here the Evija isn't king. With a mere 1,256 lb-ft or 1,703 Nm, it finds itself short of both the Rimac and the Pininfarina Battista by 600 Nm. But like a plot twist in an M. Night Shyamalan film, there's more than what meets the eye.

Because when you look at how fast this Lotus can sprint, well, it'd give Usain Bolt a run for his gold medals. The Evija does 0 to 62 mph (or 100 km/h if you're that way inclined) in less time than it takes to sneeze. Even more excitingly, it bolts to 186 mph in less time than it takes for you to find the TV remote. That's less than 9 seconds if you’re keeping track.

Nevera does the 0 to 100 km/h sprint even faster, mind you, and goes on to reach a top speed of 256 mph. But Lotus, with a typically British sense of modesty, decided to limit the Evija's top speed to 217 mph. Which is still enough to turn your face into a Picasso painting.

Now, the Evija is a bit of a featherweight at 4158 lbs (1,886 kg), thanks mostly to its 93 kWh battery pack. The rest of the car is made of carbon fiber and its wheels are magnesium, making it about 270 kg lighter than a Rimac Nevera, which, let's be honest, is the weight of a small cow.

Unveiled at a private shindig in Hethel, UK, Lotus introduced us to the Evija Fittipaldi, a special edition honoring Emerson Fittipaldi’s 1972 F1 season where he nabbed five victories. Only eight will be made - the same number as the surviving Lotus Type 72 cars, and the race number used by Fittipaldi himself. Each car will come with Fittipaldi's John Hancock stitched onto the dashboard, a touch more personal than a birthday card.

In total, Lotus will make 130 Evijas, with deliveries starting this year. It's the most powerful production car right now, but the big numbers don't quite translate to the track. There's no clear winner here, but then, there doesn't need to be.

The Lotus Evija is an astounding piece of machinery that serves as a testament to the rebirth of a nearly extinct brand. It's a celebration of Lotus, a salute to their past triumphs, and a firm middle finger to anyone who doubted them. It doesn't need to be compared to other hypercars. It's simply here to make the world sit up and say: "Bloody hell, Lotus! Well done, you lunatics!

Yours truly,

Captain Electro.